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Sara Wickham's poem (Practicing Midwife, Dec 2006) , an adaptation of

'Warning - when I am old I shall wear purple' by Jenny Joseph.

When I am an old midwife

When I am an old midwife, I shall wear purple scrubs

with red gloves that don't go, and that make women smile

And I shall spend the budget on birth balls and essential oils

and nice smelling candles, and say we don't have money for oxytocics

except in real emergencies.

I shall sit on the labour ward floor when I am tired

and hide all the monitors and draw flowers on women's notes

and stick my tongue out an anyone who wants to meddle

and make up for the meddling of my youth.

I will take crowds of slipper-clad women into the corridors

and help them to ambulate,

invite them to dance

and encourage them to yell.

I shall wear my hair down and relish being fat

and sew my own purple scrubs

so I never have to scrabble to find big ones

in the theatre changing room.

When I am an old midwife, I shall knit all day long

creating hats for babies, and socks for women's feet

and everyone will see me

and know that all is well.

I shall discuss the purple line-loudly-in audit meetings

and put my diagrams up on power point.

I'll suggest the need for an RCT

to evaluate the different types of juice

we might offer to labouring women.

I will greet the visitors at the security point

and say, all of you are welcome, birth is a celebration

and do bring the children

its a family occasion.

I will learn to play the piano

and lead choirs of women

chanting and singing

whatever their hearts desire.

I shall stick out my tongue at authority

and question any policy

that leaves no room for uniqueness.

But now we must have uniforms that keeps us standardised

and do admission CTG's and not be too radical.

We must do VEs

keep lots of notes

and set a good example for the students.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

when suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple scrubs!